lately i have been plagued by dreams of loss and fighting for what is mine. last one is i was living in my apartment and it burned down. my things wre left on
the concrete slab but someone was picking throught the ashes and found a short sword. it was someone in the program. they ran and i ran after them and caught
them. and took my sword back all the while hoping i would not have to kill anyone for meesing with my stuff that was left on the concrete slab. 20 years plus
later and you are still with me. damn you, you indignant asshole. i hope satan holds a place for you inn his steamy ass.
0 Kudo
frickin dreams
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 angyngman |
frickin dreams |
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Posts: 171 07/09/2009 4:00 PM |
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rommalb |
Dreams | #1 | ||
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Posts: 116 07/12/2009 2:53 PM |
I agree with you that dreams are the worst legacy and I FEEL you on this one!
Real life, everyone can make choices and deal with eventually. Dreams assault from the subconscious, where our fears lie... and somewhere, most of us fear "going back", being taken back, or taken away, or things being taken away, or even just that horrible surprise of being hurt/damaged/our lives affected without our consent. The thing is... I always had dreams, and nightmares - I think that is something that some people go through, and some don't. HOWEVER, it's LOVELY that I have a whole new set of nightmares to deal with since the program, because of the emotional side effects. They seem to crop up every time I'm under stress or am about to take on something new or when change is happening. It's almost like normal fears are magnified to monstrous proportions! And yeah, it bites HUGE!  I'm in the process of buying a
new house and the number of night-mares has increased exponentially the closer possession date comes. This should be (and is) a really exciting time... but
because I fear going to sleep, and am not sleeping well when I do... it's kind of tiring... discouraging... sad.
Does anyone else find that the nightmares coincide with new things - relationships, change, job stress, etc? Whenever I have new hope(s) the FEAR part of these things rise up to try to kick my ass back down. Luckily, they won't and never have succeeded  , but it is tough...
"She tied you to her kitchen chair, she broke your throne and she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the
hallelujah..."
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njsurvivor |
This too shall pass.... | #2 | ||
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Posts: 3 07/16/2009 1:38 PM |
Funny enough, it is true.....EVERYTHING changes, nothing stays the same. So this will also
 i hope it passes soon for you
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angyngman |
write them as they happen | #3 | ||
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Posts: 171 08/12/2009 7:25 PM |
this time i was in a fenced in area and was walking with a guy called gary. i decided it was time to fuckin get out. hopeed over the fence and someone was
chasing me. i went through various obstacles and lost my clothes on a fence. i begged people to help me but noone would. i was screaming to a cop that i was
being held against my will and that i needed his help. he could not have cared less. i was going through alleys and small restaurants, begging for help. people
stared blankly at me. finally i gave up and waited for the oldcomers to find me. someone gave me part of a tablecloth to put on as a sort of loincloth because
i was naked. c*rl*s l*g*s found me and i went with him back to wherever. the feeling of utter desperation as i was running away and noone would lift a finger
to help is a lonely one indeed. 20 years later and they are still there. that was some dream huh?
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hedgehog |
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Posts: 58 08/13/2009 11:52 AM |
Odd. I have had the jumpimg over the fence, missing all of my clothes, while being chased, and yelling for help from the program dream too! Seriously.
Usually I will have a dream but the feeling is what gets me. I had one not even a week a go. I know I can leave. I am healthy, I am of age, their are no restraints. But I am scared. I am scared that something bad will happen if I leave, but at the same time I know that something bad is happening if I stay. I feel a little bit of power over my freedom, and then I am scared again. Like I don't trust myself to make the right decision. |
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